i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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