I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
