shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
