yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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