The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
