There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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