You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
