Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Randomize
