You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
if only i could text you this smell
zippers are such a cool invention
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
