its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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