Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
