She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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