she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
