Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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