Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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