I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
