I accidentally burped into my bong.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
