it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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