If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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