Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
