; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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