if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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