You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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