My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I wish i was in the wii world.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
