Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
