I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
