Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
