did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
