New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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