What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
