i just wanna soil my oats bro
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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