No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
