I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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