This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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