go do what you do best...puke behind churches
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
