Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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