eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
only you would photoshop your dick
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
there is puke in my bra ... again
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
