the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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