i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
i think my cat just said my name.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
