I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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