I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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