I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
