Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
