the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
