And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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