he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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