I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize