So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
false alarm. still invincible.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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