I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
