the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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