So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize