Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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