I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
