Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
