so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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