the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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