I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize