My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
