But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
