Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
