Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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