Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize