Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Randomize
