Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
