This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
