I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
