I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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