a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
