Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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