So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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