If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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