New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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