We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
