Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
