She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
BRING THE BAGELS
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
