Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
