There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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