Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
