In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
