mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize