it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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