Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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