No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
