there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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