his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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