the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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