god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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