Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just pee around me
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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