so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My ass is underappreciated
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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