Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
