how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
