U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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