i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Everyone says I win the strip club
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
