I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I've blown a few things in my day
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
