I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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