I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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