we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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