I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
