And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
