before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
