**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
