Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
