hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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