somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
