Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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