I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
